Endless ..... R ..... work

Work..... The only way to survive in this ugly world "if you dont work, you dont eat" a simple philosophy thats be forced upon me probably since the moment i began to stand on my own two feet..... Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, hours became days, days became months,months became years.... Its already been 11 years now.... And feel just as tired as ever..... Although its not that i entirely dislike work cause i can accept that work is a matter of life and cant be avoided..... To be honest i find myself more angry with my job because of ALL the things i had to give up, all the things i cant have. I think to myself was things always this difficult? Was it always this depressing? Was it always this stressful? Was it always this sad? Was it always this lonely? Its been 5 years now...... So.... How are you? Where are you? I cant cook like the way i used to anymore...... I cant sing those songs anymore .... I realised that i cant do anything anymore since that day you died.....I still cant forget...

il be there when the rain stops....

For Someone dear to me i dedicate this written piece as one of my better pieces i have written. It begins here > Moments before you leave, go through your phonebook, and tell everyone you are leaving ask for them to take you to the airport, never try to hide it, there can be no definite answer, but at least i will, cause i was always here waiting for your call. The one who will drive you is a true friend, the one that sees you leave is a good friend and the one sat next to you on the plane is someone you can spend your life with, although spoken like three different people, sometimes we can forget that its possible that we are refering to the same person..... Cause although i cant drive, il make sure you'll reach the airport, although i cant bear to see you leave il make sure im there to say goodbye, And although im afraid of heights and flying il make sure im there to surprise you as il sit down in the seat next to yours and hold your hand so that you wont need to be afraid of being alone anymore.......

without you

. . . . . . . . . . . . I dont think i can go on anymore . . . . . Life here is becoming . . . . . . increasingly unfair and unbearable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Im so tired now . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . What would you have me do Elisa? . . . . . . . . . What words . . . . . . . . . . what voice . . . . . . . . . what song . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . would you use to keep me going? . . . . . . . . . . what should i do? . . . . . . . . Il come and bring fresh flowers soon . . . . . . . . . . Please . . . . . . . . . Continue to watch over me . . . . . . . . . . . . Just like you always have been . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and . . . for that . . . . . . . arigato . . . . . . . and . . . . . . . . . . sayonara.

Empty bottle filled with nothing...

01/06/2009 sunny.
Its been a while since i wrote an entry... But for some reason i felt like writing something again... Today was really sunny and very nice with a slight breeze here in england which can be very rare to have. However i guess i kinda wasted such a good day by spending most of it indoors.... Kfc, Xbox,wii, chor dee, watched random videos online.... Then when i suddenly thought.... How crap,boring and in general totally pointless my life is >_< just feels like im not getting anywhere in life... Is this how it ends?! Sad ... I feel so weak... Like i can no longer accomplish anything... I once had dreams.... Just like any one would do.... The effect of losing something precious... Can truly change a way a person becomes. Sadly my life is tied down with burdens i think i can no longer carry....only through music do i feel.... A slight touch of freedom... This freedom i have longed for so much.... Almost within reach....foolish and selfish as always...we all want things that can be forbidden to us just out of reach...obtaining what we seek could mean for me....."to gain all, to lose all" i dont know how long i can carry on...but i swear it was much easier.....everything was fine when you were still around.....i miss you so much....please....continue to watch me from heaven.......let oyu shining rays guide me forever more