FML

yo blog ..... it been a while ..... how you been? i wanna borrow some space to get some things of my chest before i lose myself anymore .... i hope you dont mind

FML stands for F**K my life ..... i cant think of any other way to express all the crap thats been happenening to me non-stop ... im really tired of it all .... i lead a pretty lonely existence and as if that wasnt even enough .... life tries even harder to make my days even more harder to deal with than it already does .... im so sick of it all .... no one to turn too .... i think im gonna end up writing and essay at this rate ....

well ... here goes ...

1 - work

ive heard it all before ... and im sure its not just me .... everyone can have problems with work .... thats pretty natural in life .... although it is possible with an exception of a certain few in this world that actually enjoy the jobs their in ..... obviously ... im not talking about myself .... im belong in the category that have a job they hate ... so bad that they want to escape yet unfortunately cant .... i hear it all the time of how people keep telling me " leave the t/a" "get a new job" "if you're not happy you should quit" ..... im sick of hearing the same crap over and over again ... its not that easy .... you make it sound like it is but .... maybe it cause im just a coward .... for me to be truly free from tha t/a .... it will mean il have to throw away everything ..... and possibly end with having less than that i currently have and possibly in the end with nothing at all .... when i think about it sometimes ... i cant help but feel a little scared perhaps .... im already alone in this world ....

2 - gaming ...

i own 2 ds's ..... cause i had one originally but the hinge broke .... at that time i wasnt aware if it was possible if it could be fixed by buying a replacement shell ....so i brought a new one ..... then in less than a year ... the same thing occured ..... the hinge broke on my new one ..... ffs .... i look after my gaming consoles ..... i take good care of them ... clean them often .... store them in a safe place ..... never dropped them .... so WHY THE FUCK does it still happen?!?!? i remember i was so pissed at that time ..... then when a friend brought me a replacement shell and offered to help me repair my 1st original ds ... i was truly grateful ... i remember how we had spent a couple of hours to do the job .... it was pretty difficult and confusing at times but we finally came through .... and was glad to had a fully good conditioned nintendo ds working again without having to worry about the top half coming off .... except ...i think ... was about 7 months ... the same problem occured ... i admit i was devastated .... the hinge had broken again .... thats when i finally admitted defeat and i just gave up on the nintendo ds .... i locked them both away in a drawer and probably left to collect dust .... i just cant cope with all this crap ..... thats when i decided ... after putting it off for so many years ... to switch to the sony PSP playstation portable .... i had a friend whos brother didnt really play on it anymore and i was offered to buy it .... it was in good condition and rarely used .... it was the very 1st model but i didnt mind .... so yeah ... now i have a psp .... in less than 6 months .... even the psp decided to try and f**k up my life even more..... and congrats ... it succeded .... the button /joystick button came off .... i dont know when .... how .... where it dropped .... but .... FFs why F***King me?!?!?!? GODAMMIT?!?!? *£^)%^!!($!_%&£%&%()£ .... its always been one thing after another .... why do things like this always happen to me .... im so .... tired of it all ..... to you people if you ever happen to read this ... this might not seem like anything special or worth your time for bothering with .... but as im sat here typing this .... it really truly does upset me ..... i really f**king does ....

just to clarify although i like my gaming and really into it ... i dont have that much time to play on it since im working in the t/a all day ... most of the time that i play is when i come home from work for about 2 -3 hours max .... i ....just why ?!?! .....

3 - health

ive been sick for a long time now ..... and there doesnt seemed to be any signs of healing at all ... even though ive been taking regular medicines ..... at night i have trouble breathing sometimes ... like a really heavy weight is crushing me on my chest .... yet at the same time my chest feels kinda .... hollow .... and feels like im being torn apart .... i admit at one point i was even to afraid to sleep .... for now it seems to have stopped and i finally can rest abit more these nights ..... but that was pretty crazy all that happened ..... i dont feel like telling my parents ... cause i dont want to have to deal with more problems than i have to alreay ... they wont understand ...all they care about is the f**king takeaway ... and what would happen if their main worker ..... me .... couldnt work .... they treat me like sh*t .... they dont give a damn .... and i couldnt care less ......

ive come this far ... but there's still far too many things that have happened ... but ... i just dont feel like typing anymore .... so ..... maybe il finish this post another time


[the cup of tea i had made before writing this has gone cold]


fml .....