2 nights before

i had a dream 2 nights ago, that fact that i still remember is cause im not willing to let it go.....
every moment i keep holding on to it, constantly reminding myself.....

although it was a dream, its the only thing that makes me happy nowadays....

in my dream it starts of in a car journey filled with people i dont know....or perhaps dont remember.... except the girl next to me on my left..... at first i imagined how being sat next to you you might have had a slight look of discomfort on your face....but suddenly you just smiled back and you held my hand...... it felt so real .... it felt like that feeling i prayed for everyday....at that moment i became myself again....even if it was just for a minute.....

from then on we were dating..... we did all the things people on dates do....go out..... eat out...spend time together...go on walks with each other..... spend the nights in each others company while watching the stars together....

i felt truly happy.....

towards the end

i remember we were doing some sort of work together... i remember we were in a chinese school arranging the dinner tables for children..... all the while we joked..... we laughed together....and we shared happiness.....

and then it ended..... the cold winter..... it awoke me......

before i left that dream world i remembered your name, sophie...... it felt like a part of me i had kept away ....had awoken again....it felt like im finally beginning to remember something improtant i had forgotten

where ever you are.... please please please ....i beg ...... i pray....im down on my knees.....continue to keep sending me dreams...let me remember again.....let me remember once more who you were.....once more remind me......who i used to be.....

goodnight......if i could....in such a dream....if it ever comes around again.....let me sleep forever....cause id never want to leave you again....

goodnight .....sophie